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March 26, 2005

Psychological Test

This is a genuine psychological test.

It is a story about a girl. While at the funeral of her own mother, she met this guy whom she did not know. She thought this guy was amazing, so much the dream guy that she was searching for that she fell in love with him right then and there.

However, she never asked for his name or number and afterwards could not find anyone who knew who he was. A few days later the girl killed her own sister.

Question: What is her motive in killing her sister? (Give this some thought for a while before you read the answer.)




















Answer: She was hoping that the guy would appear at the funeral again. (If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath. This was a test by a famous American psychologist used to test if one has the same mentality as a killer. Many arrested serial killers took part in this test and answered it correctly. If you didn't answer correctly - good for you.)

Posted by dminky at 06:30 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

A Night at the Bar

It had been a quiet night at the local bar so far, but then the door was thrown open and an Interstate highway strode in. "I'm an Interstate highway," he declared. "I stretch from coast to coast and have at least four lanes, shoulders, and a median almost my entire length. I have the highest speed limit of any highway. I'm the best of the highways, and I'm afraid of no highway and no road." He then strode up to the bar, ordered a beer, and began drinking it, while looking around. A short time later, a four-lane highway came in, went to the end of the bar, and ordered a beer.

The Interstate looked him over and walked over to him. "I'm an Interstate highway," he declared. "I stretch from coast to coast and have at least four lanes, shoulders, and a median almost my entire length. I have the highest speed limit of any highway. I'm the best of the highways, and I'm not afraid of you."

The four-lane highway said "I agree that you're the best. I don't want any trouble with you. Let me buy you a beer", and he did. They drank their beers and discussed their engineering specifications.

After a half hour, the door opened again and a two-lane road came in, went to the other end of the bar, and ordered a beer. The Interstate looked him over and told the four-lane highway that he had to take care of the new arrival. He walked over to the two-lane road and said "I'm an Interstate highway. I stretch from coast to coast and have at least four lanes, shoulders, and a median almost my entire length. I have the highest speed limit of any highway. I'm the best of the highways, and I'm not afraid of you."

The two-lane road quivered a bit and said "You're absolutely right. You are the best of the highways. I'm just a lowly two-lane road. I don't want any trouble. Can I buy beers for you and the four-lane highway?" The Interstate motioned the four-lane highway to come over, the two-lane road bought beers for each of them, and the three of them drank their beers and discussed the merits of various paving materials.

After another half hour, the door opened again and a strip of asphalt about eight feet wide came in.

The Interstate highway ducked behind the bar and hid there quivering quietly. The bartender was shocked. After serving the asphalt strip, he walked over to where the Interstate was hiding. "I watched you stand up to the four-lane highway and the two-lane road. You said you weren't afraid of any highway or road. Why are you hiding from that little asphalt strip?"

The Interstate replied quietly, "It's true that I'm not afraid of any highway or road, but he's a cycle path."

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Airline Announcements

All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported.

On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."

There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane"

"Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."

From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 245 to Tampa. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised.

In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite.

Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."

"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."

"Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks are in the overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children ... or other adults acting like children."

"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses." And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"

Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault ...it was the asphalt."

Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"

Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline." He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?" "Why, no, Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"

After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."

Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways."

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in Coach yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"

Heard on a Southwest Airline flight: "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."

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The Amish Buggy

An Amish woman was driving her buggy to town when a highway patrol officer stopped her. "I'm not going to cite you," said the officer. "I just wanted to warn you that the reflector on the back of your buggy is broken and it could be dangerous."

"I thank thee", replied the Amish lady. "I shall have my husband repair it as soon as I return home."

"Also," said the officer, "I noticed one of your reins to your horse is wrapped around his testicles. Some people might consider this cruelty to animals, so you should have your husband check that too."

"Again, I thank thee. I shall have my husband check both when I get home."

True to her word, when the Amish lady got home she told her husband about the broken reflector and he said he would put a new one on immediately.

"Also," said the Amish woman, "The policeman said there was something wrong with the emergency brake."

Posted by dminky at 05:59 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

A Letter to the Miller Brewing Co.

The following is a letter sent to Miller Brewing Company.

Miller Brewing Company
Milwaukee, Wisconsin 53201

Dear Sir or Madam,

I have been a drinker of Miller beer's for many years (actually, ever since that other company donated a big chunk of change to Handgun Control Inc. back in the mid 80's).

Initially, my beer of choice was Lite, but some time in mid 1990 while in Honduras I switched to MGD smuggled up from Panama. Now, for nearly six years, I have been a faithful drinker of MGD.

For these past years, I have come to expect certain things from Genuine Draft. I expect that whenever I see that gold can of MGD, I am about ready to enjoy a great, smooth brew. But wait! Sometime around the first of the year, my beloved MGD changed colors, so to speak. That familiar gold can was no longer gold! Knowing that I am, by nature, somewhat resistant to change, I forced myself to reserve judgment on the new can design.

Gradually, I grew to appreciate the new label.

That was until about May of this year. That was when I discovered (empirically) that I really didn't like the new design. Further investigation of the cause of my distress resulted in the following observations:

1. Your cans are made of aluminum.
2. Aluminum is a great conductor of energy.
3. Your beer is commonly consumed outside, and thus, the container may be exposed to sunlight.
4. Sunlight striking the can causes radiant warming of the surface of the can.
5. The resultant heat (energy) is transferred through the aluminum, by conduction, to the contents of the can (the beer).
6. Warm beer sucks.

This is a process that can be observed in just about any beer. However, this process is significantly accelerated in MGD because you painted the damn can black!!!

Who was the rocket scientist that designed the new graphic for the can and implemented the change right before summer? Granted, this process may not be real evident up there in Wisconsin, but down here in Oklahoma (OR TEXAS) where the summers are both sunny and hot, this effect is quite a problem. There's no telling what the folks in Texas and Arizona are having to put up with.

Knowing that you would probably not address this issue unless you had firm evidence of a problem, I and several other subjects conducted extensive experimentation. The results of these experiments are listed below.

The experiments were conducted over two days on the deck next to my pool. The study included seven different types of beer (leftovers from a party the previous weekend) that were initially chilled to 38 F. (and then left exposed to sunlight for different lengths of time. These beers were sampled by the test subjects at different intervals. The subjects, all normally MGD drinkers, were asked at each sampling interval their impressions of the different beers.

The length of time between the initial exposure to sunlight and the point where the subject determined the sample undrinkable (the Suckpoint) was determined. The average ambient temperature for the trials was 95 degrees F.

Beer Type                    Average Suckpoint (min)
 Miller Lite (white can)               6.2
 Bud (white can)                       5.5
 Bud Lite (silver can)                 5.2
 Ice House (blue and silver can)       4.4
 Coors Lite (silver can)               4.1
 Miller Genuine Draft (black can)      2.8
 Coors (gold can)                      0.1

It was evident that the color of the can directly correlates to the average suckpoint, except for Coors which was pretty much determined to suck at any point.

It is to be hoped that you will consider re-designing your MGD cans. All beer drinkers that are not smart enough to keep their beer in the shade will thank you.

Sincerely,

Bradley Lee
Beer-drinker


The Miller response appears below. They have had a lot of fun with this guy's letter. Enjoy.


Dear Bradley Lee,

Thank you for your letter and your concern about the MGD can color as it relates to premature warming of the contents. Like you, we at Miller Beer take beer drinking very seriously. To that end, we have taken your letter and subsequent experiment under serious consideration. Outlined below are our findings and solution to your problem. May we add that we have had similar letters from other loyal beer drinkers, mostly from the Southern United States.

First, let us congratulate you on your findings. Our analysis tends to agree with yours regarding Coors. It certainly does suck at about any temperature.

Now, it was our intentions when redesigning the MGD can to create better brand identity and brand loyalty. Someone in marketing did some kind of research and determined we needed to redesign the can. You will be pleased to know, we have fired that idiot and he is now wreaking havoc at a pro-gun control beer manufacturer. The design staffer working in cahoots with the marketing idiot was also down-sized.

However, once we realized this mistake, to undo it would have been even a bigger mistake. So, we took some other actions. From our market research, we found a difference between Northern beer drinker and Southern beer drinkers.

Beer drinkers in the South tend to drink slower than beer drinkers in the North. We are still researching why that is. Anyway, at Miller Beer, it was never our intentions to have someone take more than 2.5 minutes to enjoy one of our beers. We pride ourselves in creating fine, smooth, quick drinking beers and leave the making of sissy, slow sipping beers to that Sam guy in Boston.

However, it is good to know that you feel our Miller Lite can last as long as 6 minutes. However, may we suggest in the future you try consuming at least two in that time frame.

From your letter, we had our design staff work 'round the clock to come up with a solution that would help not just MGD but all our fine Miller products. We hope you have recently noticed our solution to your problem. We found that the hole in the top of the can was not big enough for quick consumption. So, we have now introduced the new "Wide Mouth" cans. We hope this will solve all your problems. Might I also suggest that if you want to get the beer out of the can even faster, you can poke a hole on the side near the bottom, hold your finger over it, open the can, tip it to your mouth and then pull your finger off the hole. This is a common way to drink beer at parties and impress your friends. This technique is known as "shot-gunning". You should like the name.

Again, thank you for your letter and bring to our attention that there might be other beer drinkers taking more that 2.5 minutes to drink our beers. Let me assure you that I am having our advertising department work on a campaign to solve this problem, too.

Sincerely,

Tom B. Miller
Public Relations
Miller Brewing Co.

P.S. And remember, at Miller Beer we do favor gun control, too. So please use two hands when firing.

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A Halloween Tale

A man was walking home alone late one night when he hears a BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP... behind him.

Walking faster he looks back, and makes out the image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him.

BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP...

Terrified, the man begins to run towards his home, the coffin bouncing quickly behind him...

faster...

faster...

BUMP....

BUMP....

BUMP....

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.

However, the coffin crashes through his door, with the lid of the coffin clapping...

clappity-BUMP...

clappity-BUMP...

clappity-BUMP...

clappity-BUMP...

on the heels of the terrified man.... .

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud CRASH the coffin starts breaking down the door. Bumping and clapping towards him.

The man screams and reaches for something heavy, anything .. his hand comes to rest on a large bottle of Robitussin. Desperate, he throws the Robitussin as hard as he can at the apparition and...

...the coffin stops.

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A Good Pun is its Own Reword

Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.

A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?

Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

Banning the bra was a big flop.

Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumour.

Without geometry, life is pointless.

When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.

Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

Posted by dminky at 05:56 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

A Chemical Analysis of Woman

Material Safety Data Sheet: Woman, a chemical analysis

Element: Woman
Symbol: Wo
Discoverer: Adam
Atomic Mass: Acceptedas 118lbs., known to vary from 110 to 550lbs.
Occurance: Copious quantities throughout the world.

    Physical properties:
  1. Surface usually covered with a painted field and a variety of esthers.
  2. Boils at nothing, feezes without reason.
  3. Melts when given special treatment.
  4. Bitter if incorrectly used.
  5. Found in states varying from virgin metal to common ore.
  6. Yields to pressure applied at correct points.
    Chemical properties:
  1. Has a genuine affinity for gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones.
  2. Absorbs great quantities of attention.
  3. VOLATILE: May explode without warning for no apparent reason.
  4. Insoluble in water, but activity greatly increased with alcohol.
    Most common uses:
  1. Primarily ornamental, especially in sports cars.
  2. Found to be a great aid to relaxation.
    Tests:
  1. Pure specimen turns rosey pink when discovered in its natural state.
  2. Turns green when placed next to a fresher specimen.
    Hazards:
  1. Hard to retain when left in inexperienced hands.
  2. Illegal (not to mention deadly) to possess more than one at a time.

Posted by dminky at 05:51 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

The Farter from Sparta

There was a young fellow from Sparta.
A really magnificent farter.
On the strength of one bean
He'd fart "God Save the Queen,"
And Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata.

He could vary, with proper persuasion,
His fart to suit any occasion.
He could fart like a flute,
Like a lark, like a lute,
This highly fartistic Caucasian.

This sparkling young farter from Sparta,
His fart for no money would barter.
He could roar from his rear
Any scene from Shakespeare,
Or Gilbert and Sullivan's Mikado.

Nobody could play the classics finer,
As he showed me one day in the diner.
I had a bagel with lox
while played from his buttocks:
Chopin's Etude #12 in C-minor.

He'd fart a gavotte for a starter,
And fizzle a fine serenata.
He could play on his anus
The Coriolanus:
Oof, boom,er-tum,tootle, yum tah-dah!

He was great in the Christmas Cantata,
He could double-stop fart the Toccata,
He'd boom from his ass
Bach's B-Minor Mass,
And in counterpoint, La Traviata.

Spurred on by a very high wager
With an envious German named Bager,
He'd proceeded to fart
The complete oboe part
Of a Haydn Octet in B-major.

His reportoire ranged from classics to jazz,
He achieved new effects with bubbles of gas.
With a good dose of salts
He could whistle a waltz
Or swing it in razzamatazz.

His basso profundo with timbre so rare
He rendered quite often, with power to spare.
But his great work of art,
His fortissimo fart,
He saved for the Marche Militaire.

One day he was dared to perform
The William Tell Overture Storm,
But naught could dishearten
Our spirited Spartan,
For his fart was in wonderful form.

It went off in capital style,
And he farted it through with a smile,
Then, feeling quite jolly,
He tried the finale,
Blowing double-stopped farts all the while.

The selection was tough, I admit,
But it did not dismay him one bit,
Then, with his ass thrown aloft
He suddenly coughed...
And collapsed in a shower of shit.

His bunghole was blown back to Sparta,
Where they buried the rest of our farter,
With a gravestone of turds
Inscribed with the words:
"To the Fine Art of Farting, A Martyr."

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A Blonde and her Car

Shirleen's car breaks down on the Interstate one day. So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road..

She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. Out of the trunk jump two men in trench coats who walk to the rear of the vehicle where they stand facing oncoming traffic and begin opening their coats, exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers.

Not surprisingly, this causes one of the worst pileups in history of the highway.

It's not very long before a police car shows up. The cop, clearly enraged, runs toward Shirleen's vehicle yelling, "What the hell is going on here?"

"My car broke down," says the lady, calmly.

"Well, what are these perverts doing here by the road?!" asks the cop.

And she said, "Those are my emergency flashers!"

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March 24, 2005

Son of a What?

A car was involved in an accident. As one might expect, a large crowd gathered. A newspaper reporter, anxious to get his story, pushed and struggled to get near the car.

Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, "Let me through! Let me through please! I am the son of the victim."

The crowd made way for him. Lying in front of the car was a donkey.

Posted by dminky at 11:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

March 22, 2005

A Little Bit Of Fame

My website got me into an article in the Hokkoku Shimbun.

Translation (courtesy of Yasuko Aizawa):

Hokkoku Newspaper
March 20, 2005

“Want to convey Ishikawa’s traditions and people’s warm heart”
American students made websites
Kanazawa Castle, Omicho Market, festivals...
Detailed information based on their own experience

(Photo) Eurocentres staff enjoying the websites that their former students created; Rifare, block 1, Honmachi, Kanazawa

Two American students who studied Japanese in Kanazawa made websites that introduce Ishikawa’s traditional culture and people’s life. The history of Kanazawa Castle and Omicho Market, traditional festivals in Ishikawa and the like are edited in the websites accompanied by photos and illustrations. The personnel concerned are welcoming their contribution because the websites written in English can promote the charm of Ishikawa to the world as well as helping people in Ishikawa to discover the new charms about our home prefecture through the eyes of foreigners.

Two students who made the websites are Leo Hourvitz, a computer animator from California and Matt Meyer, a college student from Florida. They took a Japanese course at Eurocentres Kanazawa for two to three weeks and experienced Japanese culture including tea ceremony while doing the homestay.

After they returned home, they created websites which link each other in order to introduce the charm of Ishikawa to the world. Hourvitz introduces people’s everyday life in Kanazawa using a lot of photos including the structure and history of Hishiyagura that was reconstructed on the Kanazawa Castle Park, tea ceremony manners that he learned during his stay, the lively Omicho Market, and life with his host family. Meyer introduces Children's Kabuki from the Otabi Matsuri in Komatsu, the landscape of Nata-dera temple and such, using a lot of illustrations.

They comment on the charm of Ishikawa, “Ishikawa is full of Japan’s traditional culture, which is hard to find in big cities, and people’s warm heart.” Yasuko Aizawa, Program Director of Eurocentres Kanazawa says, “We can see through their websites how foreigners look at Ishikawa. We hope a lot of people both in Japan and around the world will look at these sites.” The websites:
http://www.stoneschool.com/Japan/Kanazawa/
http://webspace.ringling.edu/~mmeyer/Japan.html

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March 21, 2005

What Have I Been Up To?

In the near future, you may see things change quite a bit on this website. I'm trying to spend my freetime updating it, changing it, and generally making it better. If you've visited my Japan page recently, you'll see the huge amount of work I've done both to redesign the site and add more information to it (considering that I threw the page together really quickly after returning and never really developed it further after that). Transferring it to post-format really sped things up.

You may have heard that my Japan sketches did a little tour around the prefecture I stayed in. I was also asked a few questions by a newspaper from there about my stay in Japan and my website. So I guess that's another one of the reasons I was concerned about the shitty quality of that page I had up before this new incarnation.

I plan on doing some more design tweaks to the Japan page, as well as redesigning the main blog and the other subpages. I also need to finish updating the humor archive, and then redesign that page as well. The biggest change I want to do to my site is the creation of an online portfolio, stepping away from purely a blog.

It's taking me a while to do because the last time I learned html was back in 1996 and 1997 when I first started playing around with websites. Things have changed quite a bit since then. ;-) So I have to learn a lot of new things, which are really cool the more I learn about them.

I'm spending the rest of my time, of course, working on my thesis. I'm almost done it, and since I worked so hard before Spring break, I can spend a little more time on other things (like this page) now. I only have 4 paintings left to do, and then I need to get all twelve of them framed. I will, of course, scan final version of them. I know a lot of you are waiting to see them. Rest assured it will be worth the wait.

Other things I'm doing include planning for after graduation. I need to fix up my portfolio to show the remainder of the recruiters here at school. I also need to plan for finding a job and a place to live after graduation. I don't know what I will be doing after leaving Florida, but I know that I need to be ready for whatever opportunities come up.

So much to do, and so little time to do it. And I keep getting distracted by browsing wikipedia and google. ;-)

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March 17, 2005

Husband Shopping

Recently a "Husband Super Store" opened where women could go to choose husband from among many men. It was laid out in five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended.

The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return.

A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping centre to find some husbands...

First floor:

The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids." The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having a job or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up they went.

Second floor:

The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are
extremely good looking." "Hmmm," said the ladies, "But, I wonder what's further up?"

Third floor:

This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework." "Wow," said the women, "Very tempting." But there was another floor, so further up they went.

Fourth floor:

This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak." "Oh, mercy me," they cried, "Just think what must be awaiting us further on! So up to the fifth floor they went.

Fifth floor:

The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists only to
prove that women are fucking impossible to please. The exit is to your left, we hope you fall down the stairs."

Posted by dminky at 03:55 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

New Definitions For Old Worlds

  1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
  2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
  3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
  4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
  5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent
  6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightie.
  7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
  8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
  9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
  10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
  11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
  12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
  13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
  14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
  15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), the belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
  16. Pokemon (n), a Jamaican proctologist.

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March 16, 2005

You Know You're Chinese When...

Posted by dminky at 01:14 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

del.icio.us

I'm in the process of moving all of my bookmarks to del.icio.us, a really cool bookmark site. It's sort of a bookmark community that lets you publish your bookmarks for sharing and for viewing from any computer. You can see my bookmarks at http://del.icio.us/dminky. You can even read them as an RSS feed, which is t3h uber-cool.

I only which I found this earlier so I could have saved a lot of the funny links I've recieved over the years. I periodically deleted links because it was a pain to organize hundreds and hundreds of them. Well, not anymore! ;-)

Posted by dminky at 09:33 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

March 15, 2005

Post-Spring Break

I have not said anything in a long time... so here's an overdue update.

Last week was Spring Break. I spent the week in Vancouver with Frances. It was super awesome. I'm in the middle of painting right now so I'm too distracted to be able to go into lots of detail, but suffice it to say it was the best Spring Break ever, and it was certainly the best vacation I've had since going to Japan. Even if not for the fact that I was with Frances, Vancouver was a really cool place. But being with my girlfriend just made it immeasurably better. So yea, I had a good time.

I also planned the remainder of the chickens I'm going to attempt to paint this semester. I planned 8 more, which would bring the total to 16. I highly doubt that it is possible to do 8 more, but I will try. A more realistic number is 5 more... but I always like to aim high. I'm just about finished the Sultan, and I've prepared the Aztec and the Bolshevik so they are ready to go. I have to do 2 chickens a week to meet my 8 chickens mark... so really, it's not going to happen. We'll see what I can do though.

Igor has become much more lively. I'm not sure if that's a result of me leaving him for a week (fear of a second abandoment?) or because it's Spring (mating season?) or because he's able to fly 100% now... but he no longer wants to spend all his time in his cage and would rather be on top of it. He's just about finished molting now and is quite pretty, too, so maybe that has something to do with it.

OK, back to painting. I can't take too many breaks if I want to finish two more chickens this week. ;-)

Posted by dminky at 09:14 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack