October 16, 2000
Long Live Jersey
So anyway, I'm doing a project for school1 that involves running into the polluted lake at the end of my street (don't ask). After this "task" is performed, we leave the lake, laughing, and I decide we can't have the filthy Newton-Lake-stained cloak inside my car, so we sling it on the roof and begin to drive away.
As I'm driving, the waterlogged cloak slides off the roof while driving (d'oh!) and I stop the car to sling it back up there. So now I'm driving carefully, but as soon as I cross the next intersection, the cloak slides off again2. I can't just stop the car in the intersection, so I speed around the block to pick it up and just put the damn thing into the trunk or something.
After what takes maybe 20 seconds to drive around the block, I approach the intersection only to see that my cloak was not there! Looking a bit further down the street, I spy with my little eye a family of mullet-sporting, pick-up driving, tooth-picking3 renecks loading their Chevy with the neighborhood's trash. So, nonchalantly, we get out of the car and jump up and down to see what is in the back of the truck. The hicks must have known we were on to them, because they quickly got into their truck and drove away. Sure enough, wedged into the couch that they trash-picked (yes, a couch!) was my cloak. Soaked through with the most polluted water this side of Cameroon.
1. A silent movie interpretation of Shelley's Frankenstein for English class -- I'll show it to you sometime.
2. Of course it falls off again -- it's Murphy's Law.
3. I only assume they were picking their teeth. I have no actual proof of their dental hygiene.
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