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January 27, 2003
Vampires Are A Catholic Conspiracy!
I kind of came across a disturbing revelation this weekend after realizing that the welcome sign on my door was an open invitation for vampires: non-Christian religions are helpless against vampire attacks. As you all know, vampires are repelled by the sight of a cross. But what about a star of David, or a dharma wheel, or a crescent moon? None of these symbols have any effect on vampires whatsoever! So this led me to wonder, "Why? Why only crosses?"
That's when I came across the scary part. You see, it only makes sense then that vampires are a creation from back in the early days of the Christian Church. Vampires were created by powerful Roman priests who used to set them upon non-Christians. They were used to weed out pagan practices from Rome; they were used again during the Crusades; and they were used in the Inquisition. Everywhere you find vampires, Christians are never far behind, waiting with their "exorcisms." Vampires' repulsion to crosses is merely an act. For example:
Vampire: "Waah, I vant to suck your blood!"
Christian: "Oh no, a vampire!" *Holds up cross*
Vampire: "Oh no! A cross! Hisssssss..." *Wink wink*
Christian: "Be gone, foul demon!" *Winks back*
So as you can see, this is clearly some form of radical conversion. If a vampire bites a non-Christian, he too becomes a vampire, only to further serve the will of the Christian Church. But I ask you this: When all of the heathens are gone, who will the vampires turn to next?...
(Note: Yes, this is a joke. My Catholic friend and I were poking fun at eachother and came up with this.)
Posted by dminky at January 27, 2003 01:21 AM
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